yep. i've been 4 years without any relationship. it's not that i'm truly celebrating it.
i just feel this lonesome this moment and i find out it's been 4 years of my last break up.

I never feel this kind of lonesome.
it's because i've been reading and watching too much drama/romance, and make me envy of not having the-happy-ending like ones.
but the most irritating cause of my lonesome is the lost of my cat.

my cat was gone since early august.
I was devastated, til now.
i've been taking care of this cat since he was a little. and i raised him for 1 year and 4 months. and I got attached with him.

i really loved him.
he was just a local-short haired cat. he was not even pretty.
he was stupid and fat cat.
i loved to hug him. i loved to caress him. i loved to play with him and fooled him.

he was better than a boyfriend.
he was there when i just need a company in a comfortable silence.
he was there every night I need to stay up late for studying.
I could talk anything to him and he didn't complain.
he might just curle up on my bed and doing nothing but sleeping.
but i felt the peace when he was around.

and one day he was gone.
he was leaving me without notice.
and now i feel alone.

it's not like i don't have friends.
i have friends.
but the attachment that grew between me and my cat was different.

as someone who doesn't like to talk, i feel more comfortable with my cat. i could hug him and cry with him and he didn't hover. he was a living creatures, and somehow, he could understand me.

the reason why i remain single this whole 4 years:
- i still haven't found what i'm looking for.
The reason why i haven't found it yet:
- i haven't looked for it.

as Buble's new song:

I might have to wait
I'll never give up
I guess it's half time
And the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You come out of nowhere and into my life